Relationships are work

Hank Green, one of the two Vlogbrothers, talked about friendship and non-romantic love, something that many young people are struggling with. There are many interesting insights mentioned in the video, so I invite you to watch it to get the whole thing.

But, I just want to focus on one sentence Hank said, “Relationships are work. Do the work!”

This quote in particular resonates with me because so many times I have seen in my own personal life and in the lives of others that people expect relationships to just work out on their own. It never happens that way.

Relationships work out when the people in those relationships work hard to make the relationships work. Relationships are two-way streets; you can’t have one person doing all the work while the other just sits around waiting to be served.


Relationships are born out of mutual attraction. But, they can only be maintained by mutual respect and admiration, which should be developed and strengthened over time. Maintenance is a conscious and active process. It doesn’t happen automatically.

Try maintaining your room without doing anything, hoping your bed will automatically get made. Not going to happen. Even if you have a robot to do your work, you still have to maintain the robot. That is the nature of all relationships; they are work, and we should do the work.