I broke up with my first love after a year. After that, I never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I ask myself, “Am I too ugly to have a boyfriend?” Almost all of my friends have boyfriends and when we go out, they always tell me about their boyfriends. I feel jealous.
Why does Allah do this to me?
Thank you for your honest question.
The desire to love and to be loved is natural. I have it, you have it, and others have it too. However, in Islam, we are taught how to love and to be loved in a way that God intends it. In Islam, we are also taught that we all have the power to make our own choices.
Hence, in this case, we can choose whether to love and to be loved the way God intends it or not. In the end, we will all live and die with the consequences of our choices, for better or for worse.
I can imagine that you are feeling unappreciated knowing that you are boyfriend-less while most of your friends are with boyfriends. I am not trying to ridicule or undermine your feelings about this subject. I acknowledge the pain. What I suggest to you is to reconsider the situation from a different perspective.
Don’t be sad that you don’t have a boyfriend. Instead, be grateful.
The Quran said clearly, “And do not approach zina (premarital sex). Indeed, it is an ever immorality and is evil as a way.” (Surah al-Isra: 32)
Zina is a destination and there are paths that lead to that destination. Not only does Islam teaches us not to commit zina, it also teaches us not to go near it. We shouldn’t even be on the paths to zina, let alone arrive at the destination. In English they have a saying, “Prevention is better than cure.” In this particular case, the saying fits perfectly. We are preventing ourselves from zina by avoiding the paths that lead to it.
When you are on the path, you will eventually arrive at the destination. It might take a short time or it might take a long time, but surely you will arrive at the destination if you keep walking on that path.
One of the paths that lead to zina is this boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
If you look at it that way, you should be grateful that Allah saved you from being on that path. Instead of feeling jealous about your friends, you should feel a sense of compassion for them and you should wish that they get off that path as well. They should be more like you, not the other way around.
This isn’t to say that the people who have boyfriends or girlfriends are bad people. We don’t condemn a person because of one sin. The person might be doing a sin in public, but we have no idea about all the good deeds that he or she commits in private. So we leave the judging part to Allah. But for this one particular sin, we offer our help if the person wants it and we ask Allah to open his or her heart to change for the better.
I hope that helps. Forgive me if I have said something I shouldn’t have.
Allah knows best.
May Allah grant you a righteous, lawfully-wedded spouse and may you both enter Jannah together. Ameen.
p/s: You are not too ugly to have a boyfriend. You are too precious to have one.