I don’t know which one is worse: having no parents or having disconnected parents.
There are a few emails in my inbox where people are expressing their distress over the fact that they don’t feel the presence of their parents in their lives, even though they live with their parents under the same roof.
Here is a snippet of one of the emails:
“…most of the times I don’t feel his [my father’s] presence. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a father. I do everything on my own. He never ask anything about my health or my needs, but if he has anything to complain about me and my brother, he would say it to our mother, but not directly to us. I don’t speak to him except for important things because I could sense the way he looks at me that he doesn’t like me. I don’t like to stay here anymore, to stay with him. I get depressed.”
So close, yet so far.
There seems to be a lack of connection. Problem arises when they find themselves in a situation where they “have to” talk with their parents, especially when they want to get married. Sure, it is easy to say that they could get married without the parents knowing anything about it, but more often than not, it will cause more harm than good.
So how do you talk with people you don’t normally talk to? I can imagine the awkwardness and to some extent, the pain. There is a type of emotional and psychological pain experienced by the children when they can’t talk to their parents about matters so important, like marriage.
Talking about marriage with your parents shouldn’t be an experience you dread. Sure, it is normal to feel nervous about it. But I think it is abnormal to feel afraid up to a point where you think to yourself, “My dad is going to kill me if I said this.”
Really dads? You are going to “kill” your children because they want to get married? I would imagine (I hope) all the dads out there will unanimously say “No”, but the fact that your children are thinking that way suggests something is not right with how you portray your image to your children.
This is a lengthy topic, but I really need to get it off my chest for now. It is bothering me, and I want other people to realise this problem exist. To what extent? I have no idea. But the fact that it does exist, should concern us all about the current state of our own family.
Ask yourself, “How’s your relationship with your parents? Can you discuss about serious matters?”