Noob Husband (Year 4) – You Have Enough Time

This year will be my 4th year of being married to the woman I love.

As time progresses, more things emerge and become clearer. These are the things that I didn’t think of during my single years. Although you try your very best to prepare for marriage, there are aspects of marriage which you can’t prepare for.

Running away is not the solution. Marriage is a commitment that begins when you say, “I do”. You have to face what comes your way with confidence and maturity. That is how you adapt and move on. That is how you grow.

Among the things that emerged and became clearer to me is how important time management is. Time management is one of those things you hear about when you were in university and you know it is important. But back then, it is not important in a big way, only in a way that will help you get good grades in the exam.

At least, that was how I see time management-lah. Not good. I know. I made a mistake of focusing too much on the teeny tiny part of life and overlooking what matters more.

Time management is essential not just as a student, but as a person. Looking at how time management affects you in your life as a person will give you a better appreciation of time management and of time, in general.

As we grow older and gain more responsibilities in life, we will see how important time management really is, and we will soon realize how foolish we were for thinking of it as a mere tool for performing well in academics.

Once you get marriage, you will see responsibilities start piling up one by one. Some of them might rush in all at once. At first, it might seem overwhelming. But give yourself a chance and adjust to the new.

For me, I see my time now in 6 parts:

  1. Alone time – between you and your soul.
  2. Romantic time – between you and your other half.
  3. Kids time – between you and your legacy.
  4. Parents time – between you and the individuals who raised you.
  5. Family time – between you and your social support.
  6. Community time – between you and your civic duties.

None of the 6 parts can be ignored; each one is important. The challenge is to find the balance in them all. Balance, doesn’t necessarily mean equal time because although every part is important but not all are created equal.

Priority is key. You must learn what part of your time is more important, and in what context. For example, you can’t concretely determine that romantic time is more important than community time. That might be true in a certain context, but in a different context, community time can be more important than romantic time.

Like juggling, you don’t stay in one place while you juggle. When the circumstance requires it, you will move around so that the things you are juggling don’t fall all over the place. This takes time, effort, and patience to learn.

The one who is writing this is still learning it too. But the main takeaway is to realize and to start. A good place to start is to let go of the old. You can’t be married and have a single person’s mindset at the same time. Time works differently now that you’re married.

So, learn to let go of your single life. You’re not living there anymore. You’ve moved on (hopefully) to a better stage of life. Yes, there were sweet times in being single. You will miss them. But life moves forward, not backward.

So, you should too.

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