How to Reconnect with Someone After a Fight?

The first step is the hardest: One of you has to give up the ego and start the first approach. When I say one of you, I mean you.

I don’t know the whole story. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know who’s right or who’s wrong. But it doesn’t matter.

You have to ask yourself this question: Do you want to protect the relationship, or you want to protect your ego?

If you think the relationship more valuable, then you have to lower your ego and approach that person first. This process is awkward, maybe even painful. But that is the necessary step if you want to move on together as a unit again.

Apologize, even if you are not wrong. The thing about apology that I have learned in my life is that I don’t have to be wrong to apologize. I can be right, but I still apologize. It is not necessarily a sign of guilt or weakness.It is a sign of love and strength.

You value the relationship more than your ego. If your only focus is in always being right, then you will never be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Because everything becomes a competition and a fight, where there is a winner and a loser.

But when you have committed yourself to a relationship, then you have committed yourself to a team. In a team, when one member loses, the other members lose as well. Because you are part of a team.

Make the first approach. I’m not going to say that it is going to be easy or instantaneous, because lowering your ego can be a very difficult thing to do – especially when you’ve never done it before.

The first approach would probably be awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe it doesn’t work, but don’t give up easily. Keep on showing to the person that you still want that relationship.

Having said that, there’s something else you need to remember: it takes two to tango. Meaning, two individuals are needed to make the relationship work. You can’t row the boat by yourself; you’re going to be exhausted.

If it is only you who wants to make it work, and the other person doesn’t want it, then you have to accept the fact that you can’t control the person. Maybe it’s a matter of giving time and space, but at the end of the day, you can’t force someone to accept you.

Just focus on what you can control.

You can make the first approach; you control that. You can apologize; you control that. You can express how you feel in a mature way; you control that. You can use a different strategy if the current strategy doesn’t work; you control that. You can speak politely; you control that.

You don’t control the other person.

You only control yourself, and your actions.

But hey, that’s more than enough.


AIMAN AZLAN
#YouthMentor
aimanazlan.com/classes

12 thoughts on “How to Reconnect with Someone After a Fight?”

    1. May i know..klu someone hurt u..but u dont know that he/she did it….u will forgive them or instead of it ?…hahahahah broken english😥..plzzzz replyyy..coz skang saya tgh pening…

      1. You forgive, because you want to move on. If you don’t forgive, then you are allowing a grudge to eat you from the inside. You forgive the person not for him/her, but for yourself. You deserve to move on to a better life.

  1. Actuallllllyyyy youuuu areeeeee aaaa goooddddd motivatorrrrr..i likeeeeee readdiinggggggg alllll offf ur blog…keepp it uppp..may Allah blessssss uu alwayss..salam ramadhan mubarak

  2. Boleh x nk tnya klu dh buat salah kat org tu ..tapi dia tak tahu yg kita buat salah tu..lpstu dia dh pindah ..so x sempat nak minta maaf..sbb waktu tu zaman jahiliah ckit😭..so what should i do noww..i reallyy reallly regret..

    1. You can only do what you can control. Jika possible untuk get in touch dengan hamba Allah itu, silakan. Jika tidak boleh, bertaubat kepada Allah, doakan untuk hamba Allah itu, dan move on as a better person.

  3. I already forgave that person but for me, I don’t want to fix our relationship… Because in our relationship, she make me feel worthless, like she always want everyone to follow her… Everyone kept blaming me because I don’t want to fix our relationship. Do you think, I still need to be friend and fix our relationship with person who spread gossip about you to everyone else?

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