Compete with Your Wife

Some might think that a healthy relationship involves no fighting, but this is far from reality. All married couples fight, but the difference between the ones who are in a healthy relationship and the ones who are not, is that the healthy ones don’t fight over small things and when they do fight, they don’t go over board.

But that is not the intention of this blog post. Perhaps I’ll save that for later. The “fighting” that I am referring to here is about healthy competition. It involves no flying plates and no ill feelings. But it does involve you trying to one up on your spouse. The spirit of this competition is based upon this¬†verse of the Quran, “…so race to [all that is] good…” (Surah Al-Maidah, Verse 48).

How does this translate into your married life? Well, you can go about this in multiple ways but the one way that I like the most is service. So race with one another to see who can serve the other better. Let the race begins!

There are dirty dishes in the sink? Be the first one to wash them!

The trash can is full? Be the first one to take it out!

The baby needs changing? Be the first one to get your hands dirty!

Dinner is coming up? Be the first one in the kitchen!

The toilet is dirty? Get on your knees and start scrubbing!

Your spouse is sick? Give her a first class spa treatment!

The list can go on and on. The point is simple: be the person who serves the other better. Who deserves your service more than your wife, the mother of your child? Some men who are reading this might be thinking that serving their wives is a bit “below” them. After all, the wives are supposed to do the serving, right?


A true leader is a servant to his people. Just like Prophet Muhammad, who would secretly go out to feed an old, blind man. Just like Abu Bakr, who would do the same. Just like Umar, who would go out to ask his people if any of them needed someone to read their letters for them.

No act of service is too small for a real man. No act of service should hurt a man’s masculinity, unless the man is insecure of himself in the first place. If you are already confident with your manhood, then lowering your ego to serve others shouldn’t be a problem.