“I can’t get along with my classmates; we don’t see eye to eye. What should I do now?”
Conflict is a normal element in any relationship. In whatever case, you have to start from the basic level: How is your communication with your friends?
Here’s a few questions you can ask yourself:
- Is it healthy, or is it toxic?
- Are you talking behind each other’s backs?
- Are you confronting each other and have a mature conversation?
- Are you focusing on resolving the problem or winning the argument?
When resolving conflicts, you need to negotiate. In any negotiation, you are not going to get everything you want (hence, the negotiation). Same goes for your classmates. So, you have to come together to a compromise.
That’s what adults do. We compromise.
We can’t win on every single thing, especially if we want meaningful and steady relationships. If you have this idea that you should be able to get every single thing that you want, then you might still be stuck in a child’s mindset.
That’s what children do. They want what they want. Period.
But that’s not how adults should be. Try to analyze your communication with your friends. Are you listening well to them? Are they listening well to you? Start from there, and break the communication down to its bare essentials. See if both parties are on the same page.
Communication is supposed to be healthy. It should be a two-way street. Most importantly, it should have a healthy level of conflict and subsequent conflict resolution efforts.
You can’t have a healthy relationship without having a healthy conflict. When two human beings interact, there is going to be disagreements. That is just how people are. It is part of our design.
But, there is a silver lining. From conflicts, there can be stronger bonds. When you are able resolve a conflict together, you will learn new things about each other and about the relationship itself.
That will bring you closer as a unit and it will create a bond that is stronger than before.
From conflicts, you will know who are your true friends and who are not. Because true friends will stick around even when things get tough. But fake friends will bail on you as soon as the things go south.
True friends value the friendship and will fight to preserve it. Fake friends don’t think it’s worth the trouble.
AIMAN AZLAN, #YouthMentor
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