3 Things to Ask Yourself Before Getting Angry
Anger is one of those emotions that makes you a normal human being. Even the best of us gets angry at times. This blog post was written not to deny yourself of that emotion. In fact, the emotion is acknowledged and respected.
Having said that, this blog post is simply written to enable you to analyze yourself before you decided to act upon that anger. Although the feeling is normal and often times we can't control when it happens, but we are still in control of how we act because of it.
It's not going to be easy. Anger can be so powerful, it can be overwhelming. But just like with almost anything in life, you need to be patient in practicing the skill. Stumbling here and there is normal, but remember to dust yourself off and keep on trying.
The question remains: How do I analyze my anger when I'm angry? The first step of analyzing any emotion is to have self-awareness.
To put it simply, self-awareness is being in tune with what's going on inside your head i.e. your thoughts and feelings. When you think of something or when you feel something, be deliberate in telling yourself what is it that you're thinking about and what is the emotion you're feeling.
If it helps, you can write it down on a piece of paper when you have certain thoughts or experience certain emotions. This simple exercise can help turn the abstract into something concrete. This makes it easier for you to analyze it.
With practice, you might not even have to write anything down. You will be self-aware almost automatically. It becomes second nature. Of course, that comes with hard work and patience.
There are many, many moments in life where you will get angry at the people around you. There are times when that anger is completely justified, so to ignore the feeling would be unjust. But, there are also times when the anger isn’t justified.
Meaning, there’s a chance your anger is misplaced.
Because there is a chance that you might be wrong, so you have to take some time to analyze the anger before you turn green. Take this time to investigate your anger with 3 these important questions:
- Am I angry at what he/she does or something else? Sometimes, you are angry at something else but that anger is directed at a person not related to what you're angry at.
- Am I angry for something in present or in the past? Sometimes, you have an unfinished business from something done in the past and it gets transferred to the present. It can make the intensity of your anger disproportionate.
- How do I express this anger so that the relationship becomes better and not worse? There are times when your anger is completely justified, but that doesn't mean that you can go all lose and release the Kraken! So, this last question is super important to make sure the action you committed because of anger is something productive and not destructive.
Why would I torture myself with all these questions when I can just let my anger out and feel better?
Well, it is undeniable that getting angry can be satisfying and can make yourself feel better.
But this exercise isn't just about you, it is also about the people around you. This exercise won't give you the instant gratification that your anger can, but it will certainly be able to save and nourish your relationships with the people around you.
At the end of the day, not only do we want to feel better, we also want our relationships to be better.