Monday, December 15, 2014

Relationship: We Broke Up, But I Can't Stop Thinking About Him

Assalamualaikum.

I had a boyfriend. We were together for many years. Recently, I thought that the relationship that we had was not good for my faith. I had a feeling that I shouldn’t be doing all these things, so I ended the relationship. I wanted to change for the better.

But after we broke up, I can’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes he would text me and I would reply back. Though I know that my decision to end the relationship was the right decision, I can’t simply forget all those years we’ve been together. It is not easy.

Please help me.

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Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah.

Thank you for your email.

First of all, I congratulate you for having a noble intention: wanting to get closer to the halal and wanting to get further away from the haram. May Allah reward you for your intention. Ameen.

Second of all, 7 years is a long time and I can understand why it is difficult to forget him. But you made taubah and insha Allah, Allah will accept it. Just remember to continue making taubah and to remind yourself why you decided to change.

I don't think Allah expects you to forget him overnight. What I do think is that Allah expects you to let go of your past sins. What I mean by that is for you to try your best to stay away from the actions that will cause you to be further away from Allah. Allah expects you to try and never give up.

Let Allah be your motivation. You know how your relationship with the guy will affect your relationship with Allah. That is why you decided to end the relationship with the guy - to save your relationship with Allah. Do remind yourself of that every day.

Busy yourself with beneficial things. Don't allow yourself free time for your mind to wander and to remember him. Do volunteer work, study with your friends, do part-time job, attend weekend courses, take up a new hobby, help your parents in the house, hang out with your friends, etc. Do whatever that is beneficial to fill up your time.

Lastly, I think it's best if you reduce or cut off your interaction with him. Try to remove whatever that reminds you of him: his phone number, his picture, his gifts, his Facebook, etc. It is not that we should think of as the bad guy. It is just that we want to get closer to Allah and in doing so, we should distance ourselves from anything or anyone that will make that journey more difficult for us.

It goes without saying that we should ask Allah to help the guy mend his ways. Just pray for the best for him and let him go. Of course, it is easier said than done. But you have to try your best and never give up - that is the only thing that Allah expects from you.

Don't be afraid if he meets another woman. You ended the relationship for a reason. You have convinced yourself that you want a different type of man in your life, the kind of man that can assist you in getting closer to Allah and not otherwise.

Have faith in Allah. When you let go of someone that may harm your relationship with Allah, Allah will replace him with someone better.

May Allah grant you what is best for you in this life and in the next life. Ameen.