Showing posts from December, 2014

Noob Husband (Year 1) - Getting Used To Things

One year has passed.

One year ago, hours before my wedding, I wrote a letter to myself to remind myself of the things that I need to remember for the rest of my marriage life.

One year after that moment, I am still trying to keep true to the contents of my letter. There are, however, a few things that I would like to add to the letter. Obviously that letter is incomplete and it needs to be reviewed from time to time.

This past year has been a totally new experience for me. Even the common things become new again, because now I have someone to share those things with. With this new experience, there will be new lessons and I want to put some in writing.

Because I am human and humans forget.

1. Change

I hear it from some single people who feel like they are going to lose many things once they’re married, and that they might regret it. To be fair, the life after marriage will be different than the single life. That is part of the experience – things will change.

But it doesn’t have to be…

Community: If We Are United, Then Why Do We Have Multiple Jemaahs?


I am really hoping that you wouldn't mind answering my question. I tried asking a few people about this but I didn't get a clear answer.

I am studying overseas. From my first day here, I have been hearing a lot about different jemaahs (religious groups). One person tried to persuade me to join one jemaah and another persuaded me to join another jemaah.

Though I did join one jemaah, I am kind of confused to be honest. Almost all of friends feel the same way too. I keep asking myself, "Why do we need multiple jemaahs? If we have the same goal, then shouldn't there be only one jemaah?"

To be honest, because of these multiple jemaahs, many are hesitant to join usrah (small religious circle). It confuses people. Many think that these jemaahs have their own different agendas. That led to my friends thinking negatively about jemaah and usrah.

I want to stay within my usrah, but this question bothers me.

So if you wouldn't mind, I really hope you can help…

Relationship: We Broke Up, But I Can't Stop Thinking About Him


I had a boyfriend. We were together for many years. Recently, I thought that the relationship that we had was not good for my faith. I had a feeling that I shouldn’t be doing all these things, so I ended the relationship. I wanted to change for the better.

But after we broke up, I can’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes he would text me and I would reply back. Though I know that my decision to end the relationship was the right decision, I can’t simply forget all those years we’ve been together. It is not easy.

Please help me.


Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah.

Thank you for your email.

First of all, I congratulate you for having a noble intention: wanting to get closer to the halal and wanting to get further away from the haram. May Allah reward you for your intention. Ameen.

Second of all, 7 years is a long time and I can understand why it is difficult to forget him. But you made taubah and insha Allah, Allah will accept it. Just remember to continue maki…

Your Effort Matters More

One of my teachers whom I attended his halaqa is also a Psychology professor, with a PhD. He’s a licensed Psychologist. One time we were talking about a topic that is very popular amongst students – the topic of stress.

Now, just as an aside, stress is not inherently bad. For example, you might have heard of the fight-or-flight response. You need stress to trigger the danger alarm in your head, to trigger the fight-or-flight response. You need stress to survive. But just like cholesterol, there is good stress and there is bad stress.

Here, I am referring to bad stress specifically.

Back to the story, my teacher and I were talking about stress. He told me that one of the main reasons that students are stressed out is because they are worried about things that they cannot control. They preoccupy themselves with things that are beyond their capacity.

Let me give you an example.

One time I visited my previous high school. I met my juniors there and one of them came to me for some advi…

Do Not Underestimate People

Abdullah, the son of Imam Ahmad Hanbal, said that he used to frequently hear his father said, “May God have mercy upon Abu al-Haytham and may God forgive the sins of Abu al-Haytham.” Abdullah would hear about him so frequently that he asked his father who the man was. So Imam Ahmad narrated to him the story.

There was a time of great fitna in Imam Ahmad’s life where some of the core beliefs of Islam were questioned and some of the rulers in the Muslim lands succumbed to these incorrect beliefs. These rulers started to enforce these beliefs unto the people.

The scholars lined up to debate them and oppose these beliefs. They ended up imprisoning, torturing, and even killing these scholars until only Imam Ahmad was left standing. Imam Ahmad successfully debated their intellectuals and left them speechless.

One day, the ruler had enough and ordered that Imam Ahmad be chained up like a criminal and walked through the middle of the town so that he was humiliated. Finally, the ruler wanted…

Relationship: I Think My Roommate Doesn't Pray. What Should I Do?


I actually don't know how to start this but I really need someone to share this with.

I am a student and I just began my studies at a university. The problem now is since I was here I have never seen my roommate perform Solat (prayer), except for one time.

I wanted to ask my roommate about the whole prayer thing but I just can't imagine what might happen if I do so. If things go wrong, it might get awkward since we have to share the same room for another semester. 

I hope you can help me with this. I don't know who else to ask. 

What should I do?


Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah.

Thank you for your question.

If we don't know for sure, then we shouldn't assume anything bad. We always assume good, if we don't have any strong evidence for the contrary. In your case, do you know for sure that she is not praying? That is the first thing that you should ask yourself. The good thing here is that you at least seen her pray once. That is a good sig…