Thursday, August 14, 2014

Relationship: The Break Up

Hi Abang Aiman. My name is ######. I'm 16 and currently studying in ######.

Right now, I have a problem. I really hope that you can lend me your ears and guide me through it. The thing is, I have a girlfriend. I really love and have feeling for her. After reviewing perspectives on love in Islam, I realize that I can't have this relationship with her. I realize that it is wrong. So at one point, I asked for a break up. I felt so bad for everything. If I could, I would marry her. But I can't. We're still in school and I'm not ready for it.

Now, she couldn't control her feelings and feels extremely emotional in class. Yes, we are in the same class. She is always upset. I want both of us to focus on our studies. But I always get jealous when she hangs out with other guys. Should I get jealous?

I really have sincere feelings for her. Since the breakup, she cries so often. I felt so bad as I broke her heart. I don't know what to do now. I'm lost. My heart is craving for Allah. Your video about a love story (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlBbjLPt7mc) gave me the inspiration to stay strong but I'm afraid that now I made her hate me.

At the same time, her whole gang of friends hate me as well. Why? How can i cheer her up? I don't want to lose her. I really love her. Now, I'm seeking the answers through the Quran (Tafsir) and a book called Tautan Hati.

What do you think about this Abang Aiman? Can you help me or give me advice?

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Hello.

Thank you for emailing me.

Indeed, Allah can guide people in so many ways. I pray that He guide you in the best way possible. Ameen.

When the heart is craving for Allah, then His pleasure becomes top priority. You realized early on that the relationship you had with the Muslim girl wasn't going to bring much pleasure from Him, and out of love for your Creator, you decided to end it.

I understand that in doing so, both of you are hurt. My response is in no way trying to undermine your pain and her pain.

Personally, I think she knew what you knew; that the relationship doesn't feel right. But perhaps due to strong emotions she harbours for you, it is hard to let go. That is understandable and I think you can relate to what she is currently feeling.

However, we do not worship our emotions. We don't follow anything and everything that our emotions tell us to do. We worship God.

Having said that, emotions can take the best of us and cloud our better judgement. Hence, we should always try to remain aware of our internal state and constantly adjust it to be in line with God's pleasure.

In the end, that is all that matters.

If you truly love someone, then you will do anything to please that someone. If we truly love God, then we will do anything that pleases Him.

You have ended your relationship because you knew that it wasn't pleasing to Him and you know that the best option (marriage) wasn't an option you can take at the time. So, in my estimation, I believe you have done the right thing.

Lets just pray that in time, she will realize it as well.

Sometimes in doing the right thing, you will be hated for it. You can think of many individuals in history who have lived through that fact. Remain steadfast in truth, and the right group of people will learn to love you and you will love them. These are the people who will keep you balanced and upright, in searching for His ultimate pleasure. These are the people who can help you get closer to God and help you become a better person, a person whom the world needs to make it a better place.

Remain steadfast.

As for the girl, there isn't much that you can do other than apologizing for hurting her feelings. Whether she forgives you or not is beyond your control. But do pray for her and pray that she sees and understands the reason behind the breakup and how it is for the good of both of you.

Remain kind with her and with her friends, despite how they treat you. Indeed, the people who treat you badly are in need of kindness the most. Be the bigger person.

Lastly, ask God for guidance and ask Him to give you what and who is best for you. If the girl is indeed best for you, then He will deliver. But if she's not, then know that He will give you something or someone better.

Allah knows best.

I hope that helps.

May Allah guide you. Ameen.