Wednesday, April 02, 2014
Why Getting Married Right Away Isn't The Way To Go
I think I was 18 years old, when I first approached my parents about me wanting to get married. At that time, they might be thinking that I was kidding. Maybe I was. Nonetheless, the thought of getting married did enter my mind and once that seed is sown, it’s only a matter of time when the shoot grows.
From that point on, it took me 5 years to actually tie the knot.
Human beings have the tendency to rush things and I think young people have that tendency the most. I wanted to get married as soon as possible, but without a clear and refined purpose or intention. Although it’s hard for me to admit it at the time, I had a feeling that I wanted to get married early because I wanted to be among those who got married early – as if it’s an elite club or something. The urge to be accepted into “the club” was very strong in my younger self, and that led me to make some stupid mistakes.
But I guess that’s a part of being young and a part of growing up – you make mistakes, you learn, and you move on. I can safely say that my elders, especially my parents, kept me in check a lot of the time and they managed to save me from making bigger mistakes – some of which, if committed, I might not be able to make amends.
So I am grateful that I am still able, in the zeal of my youth, to take into consideration the words of my parents and to seek the wisdom behind them. Though I might not be able to see the wisdom in the heat of the moment, most of the times I am able to see it later. Now, looking back, I owe my parents a lot.
They directly and indirectly asked me to wait it out, so for 5 years I did just that. But 5 years of waiting was not a waste. In fact, it was essential. It gave me ample time to learn and to grow. In hindsight, I think Allah was preparing me before I say “I do”.
There is still a lot that I need to work on. I will always be a work in progress and I will never be a finished product. But if I did get married 5 years ago, I have very little doubt that I will be able to make that marriage work.
It’s not that I was young because age is not the issue. It’s just that I was immature – still not ripe enough for the picking. Though age does play a role, it has little to do with maturity. Young people can be mature and old people can be immature. It’s not a matter of how many years you have lived on earth, rather it’s more about how well you spent those years.
In essence, I learn that it’s not about getting married right away. Rather, it’s about getting married the right way. Getting married the right way means that you are matured enough to take the wheel and drive the relationship to where it is supposed to go - despite your age.
I think, I hope, that when I accepted her hand in marriage, that it be the right way.